This is why I should not make resolutions...

Here it is November and I have done very little of what I set out to do this year. As usual, life gets in the way. I am happy to say that I will be finishing school soon. I ended up not writing a thesis and took comps instead. It ended up being a better decision because I really need to finish up. If I wrote a thesis it would have likely dragged out until next spring because of the difficulty of finding an advisor and committee. I took comps last week and will hopefully hear soon that I passed.

I have yet to lose any significant amount of weight, but I did purchase a Fitbit to help me gain greater awareness of how much I am moving. I am quite the slug and this helps me to get more active. Hopefully once school it over I can concentrate more on getting back in shape.

Even though I have note done the things I set out to do I am still happy with how my year is progressing. Plans are good, but you need to be flexible too. That is what I am doing. My life is pretty good. 

The Good and the Bad

Some days are good and bad all at the same time. I have been happily anticipating an anniversary trip to California with my hubby. Today is my last day of work for the week. I also found out that I have been accepted to Rare Book School this summer which is also awesome. Today seemed like it would be a very good day.

Unfortunately I received some bad news. My mom's dog died today. Actually my mom had her put to sleep. I knew this day would come and have been dreading it for a long time. Any pet owner knows the deep sorrow that goes with losing your pet. Some people find it peculiar, but it really is like losing a human loved one. I still mourn for all of my pets. Still this one is more significant because Little Bit was my mom's last link to my dad. She was there with my mom while my dad died. She protected my father's body when the paramedics tried to touch  him. She would not leave his side. My mom finally had to lock her in the bathroom so they could get to him. Even then she threw herself against the door trying to get out.

It would not be an exaggeration to say that Little Bit saved my mom's life. She was there for mom when she suffered the blackest days after my dad passed. She was there for her when I could not be. She really was the sweetest little dog and my guff, tough daddy enjoyed and loved this little bit of fluff every bit as much as my mom. I lost something today too. Every time I saw this dog I was reminded of my dad, and the joy and comfort she has brought my mother since we lost him. She has been a wonderful companion for my grandmother as well.  I know she must be heartbroken as well. I will never be able to thank Little Bit enough for being a loving companion for my family.

Life can be so wonderful and terrible all at the same time. No matter how much I may want things to stay just  as they are life is always moving forward and nothing can live forever. It is cruel how much love and happiness our pets can give us only to have their lives be so much shorter than ours. Still I'd rather take the good with the bad instead of having nothing at all.

Climate change or not what we do still matters!

**This is a post I wrote quite some time ago and for some reason it did not get published. By the sound of it I was mad and probably did not hit the publish button**


I am so sick of all the haters out there. I happen to feel that climate change is real and is certainly influenced by humans. I can respect the fact that there are people do not believe this, but why are they so mean? I cannot understand those people who think it is some kind of liberal gibberish. This is not and should not be a political issue! Unfortunately I live in Virginia (wow, I never though I would feel bad about where I live), where our AG has decided to sue the EPA. How insane is that? We have much more important things to worry about than suing the EPA.

I do not care if you believe in climate change or not, whether you believe it is man made or not, the point should be why wouldn't we do all the things that many think will curb climate change. I for one do not want to be dependent on fossil fuels as we are now. I see no problem with trying to reduce the amount of pollution we spew into the air, ground, and water. We should recycle and reuse as much as we can because it is just the responsible thing to do. Not to mention doing much of this will save us money!

For all those people out there who espouse Christian beliefs and do not try to care for the world around them...shame on you! Creation care is a part of what we are suppose to do. God made this wonderful world for us and I dare say did not want us to remove mountain tops to get to the coal inside or to throw away so much plastic that it now is swirling around in the ocean in massive toxic fields. Being responsible for our impact on the environment is part our faith and it is a social justice issue. Taking of the environment means taking care of people too! Being a good steward of the environment means having a cleaner, healthier world for all.

Fifty years from now we may find that all our worries about climate change were unfounded, but I would rather do the right thing and treat the world around me with respect and do all I can to conserve and protect our resources. I will never understand why anyone wouldn't want to do that. It is just common sense. End rant

Life gets in the way...

Well so much for those goals I set for myself in January. They are unraveling, but I am not completely surprised. The biggest one is my goal of finishing school by August. I hate doing it, but I must accept that I will most likely not be able to complete my thesis and defend it by August. So I will graduate in December. Still I hope to be finished with everything well before then. The process is much more complicated that it was for my last thesis and there are too many points where I could get held up by other people. I am disappointed though.

As for my other goals, I have yet to write my grandmother, but I did send her flowers yesterday for her birthday. That is almost as good, but I will still write her. I have yet to lose any significant amount of weight, start running, or even post to my blog as often as I said I would. On that last point however I have been posting to blogs, just not this one. I have another blog I have to post on for a class and I also did a blog post for the Virginia Historical Society. In an odd way I am sort of doing better than anticipated for that goal.

It is good to have goals and I will still do my best to accomplish these. I just need to remember that sometimes life gets in the way I may have to make a few detours before I arrive at my destination. Overall things are good and for that I am glad.

Daddy's hands

     Over the holidays I attended the funeral service for one of my dear friend's father. He passed on Christmas day which was terribly sad. When she gave the eulogy though she said that only "very special people get to go to heaven on Christmas day." I really wish that she and her family did not have to go through that pain, but we will all go through it at some point. My heart, my thoughts, and my prayers will continue to go out to her as I know it will be awhile before life feels normal again.

     I was deeply moved by the memories she had of her father and it brought back some of my own. My dad died 12 years ago today. My friend talked about her father's hands and how they were the hands of a working man. I too think about my dad's hands. He was a farmer and a carpenter. He had big, strong, rough hands. Sometimes he had cuts or a blackened fingernail. They were often stained with iodine which he put on any wound. I loved those hands. He used to them to work, to build and create things as big as a house or as small as a doll cradle. He used those hands to rub a little girl's tummy when it hurt or massage out a leg cramp. He waved those hands around when he was talking. He used those hands to ride a horse, drive a tractor, shoot a gun, pet a dog, grade tobacco, fix a car, tickle his daughter, swing a hammer, chop wood, and pat his sons on the back or grab them by the scruff of the neck (whichever they deserved more). He used those hands to pick wildflowers for his wife and to help a friend in need. Those were marvelous hands, talented hands. Those hands built my loft bed and pulled me into a hug when I left for college. Those hands gave mine a squeeze to calm me as he walked me down the aisle the day I got married. I really miss those hands.

     Holly Dunn sang a song called "Daddy's Hands." The chorus goes like this:

Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin'

Daddy' hands were hard as steel when I'd done wrong

Daddy's hands weren't always gentle but I've come to understand

There was always love in daddy's hands.

     Those words sum up my dad's hands and I suspect the hands of many other fathers. If your father is still with you use your hands to give him a call or a hug. If he is not then use your hands to honor him by helping someone else. 

Love you daddy.

Hello 2013

So it is 2013 and I did not write a single post last year. I meant to, but of course I never quite got around to it. In a nut shell I was busy: school, MARAC, travel, and other obligations. I did manage to write a few entries in my paper journal when I was in Germany, but that was it. Since it is a new year and resolution time I thought I would set some goals for myself. Some should be easily obtainable and others not so much, but it will give me something to check out at the end of the year.

1. Write two blog posts a month.
2. Write a letter to my grandmother once a month.
3. Lose 50 pounds by the end of the year (this is a hard one).
4. Run a half marathon in Las Vegas in December 2013 (another hard one).
5. Get up at 7:00 am during the week (the hardest one of all for me).
6. Do the dishes every day.
7. Finish school by August (meaning get my thesis done).

I have some others, but I do believe this is plenty. Honestly I am good at setting goals, but not so good and seeing them through. The things I have to do I will, but things that focus on me are harder for me to reach.   These are actually tied together in some ways so maybe they will not be as hard as they seem. If I get up earlier then I will have more time to do things like exercise. I need to lose weight and training for a half marathon seems like a good way to reach my goal. I have run a half marathon before so I know I can do it. I am not exactly setting myself up for failure. I suppose come January 2014 I will see how I did. :Let the games begin!

Feeling better

After yesterday's post, I actually feel better. I think I just needed to articulate my feelings instead of having it as this vague, slightly unsettling notion rattling around in my head. Life is a journey and full of conflict. Without conflict life would be dull. I need to wrestle with these questions and feelings. It may take me a lifetime to figure it all out and I may never know the answers, but at least I will not have given up. Maybe I will even go to church this Sunday...assuming I can get my lazy arse out of bed.