It has been a bit of a rough year, but it could have been worse. In the end I am thankful for my family and friends who have held me through the worst of it. My hubby has been amazing and more than I could ever ask for. I finally found a job in November working as an archivist. It is only for a year, but I feel very fortunate to have the chance to work for the institution that I am and that I found employment at all. I also started back to school (again), but I am really excited. I am working toward my Information Science degree (read Library Science). I think it will be most useful for me.
I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, and people who care about me. I could not ask for more. Thank you Lord for the blessings in my life. Another year has passed and I am still alive and thriving. I could not ask for more...well maybe world peace and an end to hunger and disease, but I suppose I should not be greedy ;-)
A new year is always an exciting proposition. Anything can happen, but it all begins with me. I hope this is the year that I can make a difference. No it is not all about me, but I hope that I can help someone else even in the smallest way. Then I will know that I have not lived in vain...even if all I do is make someone giggle and forget their troubles for an instant. It will have been worth it all. Happy new year!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
St. Nick and bear traps
I have not been in the decorating mood for the past 3 Christmases. My sole decoration this year was to buy a Febreze luminary that has snowman on it. However I enjoy reminiscing about decorating when I was a kid. We always put the Christmas tree up on Thanksgiving day. We did this partly because my mom loved Christmas and liked to have the tree up early and also because she was home from work long enough to do it. My best memories though are of when I was young enough to still believe in the magic of Santa.
I realize now as an adult that my family had some quirky traits (as I am sure all families do), but it did not seem strange at all then. We always opened our presents on Christmas Eve. Since Santa had so many children to visit he came to see us early. My mom usually had to work on Christmas Eve, but the store closed early and she was home by about 7:00. While we were waiting for my mom to get home, my dad would pile my brothers and me in his truck to go visit Sam and Mary. They were very good friends of my dad and I always thought of them as my adopted grandparents. We would visit with them and give them a gift. I would bounce around their living room peering out the window for Old Saint Nick. Sam and Mary would usually say they had heard on the news that he had been spotted around Roanoke. I loved seeing them, but it always felt like we were there forever. Finally daddy would say it was time to go home.
On the way home he would take the long way around the river and I thought I would die before we got home. Once we arrived though my brothers and I would find presents under the tree from Santa. He had come while we were gone! Mom always had a great story to tell about his visit.
Now I should mention that in the days leading up to Christmas that my dad would tease me as was his way. He would tell me that he was going to let all the dogs loose to keep Santa from getting to our house. We had plot hounds who were wonderful animals, but also were bred to hunt. I was terrified that the dogs would attack the reindeer. Daddy would also hint that he was putting out some bear traps on the roof to catch Rudolph. I would beg him not to scare off Santa or to trap the deer. I made sure to put out treats for the reindeer along with the cookies so that Santa and the reindeer would have some incentive to dodge my dad's traps.
While we looked in awe at our gifts, my mom would tell us that when she got home that she needed to take a quick shower. When she was in the shower she heard the dogs going nuts, barking and howling outside. She'd jump out of the shower, throw on a robe, and dash outside to find Rambler (one of our most fearsome dogs) tugging on Santa's pant leg trying to stop him from getting in the house. Santa was prepared though and would throw out a huge bone to distract the dog. Then quick as wink he would wish my mom Merry Christmas and leave our gifts for us. He would stay long enough for a cookie and to take the celery and carrots to the reindeer. Santa, who had managed to dodge all my dad's obstacles, would get back in his sleigh and the reindeer would take off with the dogs nipping at their heels. Every year during my "Santa years," we would have some variation on this story and every year I believed it!
I, of course, would turn to my dad all smug and tell him that nothing he could do could keep Santa from coming. Dad would grumble and say he'd get him next year. We would then eat shrimp, open presents, and have a wonderful time. Of course my brother were older than me and were past believing in Santa, but they kept up the charade for my benefit and I suspect they enjoyed it as much as anyone.
Those years of belief were short and before long I outgrew Santa. The season was still wonderful and special, but it lost a bit of its magic. I miss the stories my parents concocted to explain Santa's visit. I'm sure some people would be shocked at my dad's way of "teasing," but that was the way he was. He did not show a lot of emotion, but I think he loved Christmas as much as any of us and I'll never forget how he tried to "catch" Santa.
I realize now as an adult that my family had some quirky traits (as I am sure all families do), but it did not seem strange at all then. We always opened our presents on Christmas Eve. Since Santa had so many children to visit he came to see us early. My mom usually had to work on Christmas Eve, but the store closed early and she was home by about 7:00. While we were waiting for my mom to get home, my dad would pile my brothers and me in his truck to go visit Sam and Mary. They were very good friends of my dad and I always thought of them as my adopted grandparents. We would visit with them and give them a gift. I would bounce around their living room peering out the window for Old Saint Nick. Sam and Mary would usually say they had heard on the news that he had been spotted around Roanoke. I loved seeing them, but it always felt like we were there forever. Finally daddy would say it was time to go home.
On the way home he would take the long way around the river and I thought I would die before we got home. Once we arrived though my brothers and I would find presents under the tree from Santa. He had come while we were gone! Mom always had a great story to tell about his visit.
Now I should mention that in the days leading up to Christmas that my dad would tease me as was his way. He would tell me that he was going to let all the dogs loose to keep Santa from getting to our house. We had plot hounds who were wonderful animals, but also were bred to hunt. I was terrified that the dogs would attack the reindeer. Daddy would also hint that he was putting out some bear traps on the roof to catch Rudolph. I would beg him not to scare off Santa or to trap the deer. I made sure to put out treats for the reindeer along with the cookies so that Santa and the reindeer would have some incentive to dodge my dad's traps.
While we looked in awe at our gifts, my mom would tell us that when she got home that she needed to take a quick shower. When she was in the shower she heard the dogs going nuts, barking and howling outside. She'd jump out of the shower, throw on a robe, and dash outside to find Rambler (one of our most fearsome dogs) tugging on Santa's pant leg trying to stop him from getting in the house. Santa was prepared though and would throw out a huge bone to distract the dog. Then quick as wink he would wish my mom Merry Christmas and leave our gifts for us. He would stay long enough for a cookie and to take the celery and carrots to the reindeer. Santa, who had managed to dodge all my dad's obstacles, would get back in his sleigh and the reindeer would take off with the dogs nipping at their heels. Every year during my "Santa years," we would have some variation on this story and every year I believed it!
I, of course, would turn to my dad all smug and tell him that nothing he could do could keep Santa from coming. Dad would grumble and say he'd get him next year. We would then eat shrimp, open presents, and have a wonderful time. Of course my brother were older than me and were past believing in Santa, but they kept up the charade for my benefit and I suspect they enjoyed it as much as anyone.
Those years of belief were short and before long I outgrew Santa. The season was still wonderful and special, but it lost a bit of its magic. I miss the stories my parents concocted to explain Santa's visit. I'm sure some people would be shocked at my dad's way of "teasing," but that was the way he was. He did not show a lot of emotion, but I think he loved Christmas as much as any of us and I'll never forget how he tried to "catch" Santa.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
9:30 in the a.m.
I am actually up, thought not necessarily awake, at 9:30 on a Tuesday. Why is this so strange? Well, I have been out of work for nearly two months now and I have become something of a night owl. I much prefer being up at night even though I have "sleep issues." I have been looking for a new job and keeping busy with graduate school and other odds and ends. I hope that very soon I will have a new job. I have my phone glued to me this week in hopes that I will receive some good news. In the meantime, I think I might go read...in bed. It is very dreary outside and even though I did make the effort to get up, I still am sleepy. I should exercise, but I am not quite up for it just yet. Maybe in a couple of hours...
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
RIP Tess
Tess (aka Tessie, Tess-Tess, Tesser, Mrs. Tesserson, Mrs. T., Birdie, Bitchly, Queenie, Mrs. Tessie the Christmas Poodle, etc.) departed from this life today. She died in the arms of Mimi Carolyn who was so graciously taking care of her while Tyler and went out of town. We are so very glad that she was able to spend her final days with Carolyn and Ralph who loved her as much as we did. Tess was such a peculiar dog and did not take to people right away. She was abused early in her life so that probably had a lot to do with it. However, once she took to you she loved you. She loved to curl up in your lap and snuggle, always ran to the pantry when it opened expecting a treat, and drove us crazy splashing in her water dish. She was a sweet little dog and I will miss her terribly.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
While my guitar gently weeps...
My wonderful husband bought me an acoustic Yamaha FG700S for Christmas. It is so lovely, the flattop is a marvelous mellow yellow with beautiful curving side, and great action for someone with tiny hands. Can I play it...absolutely not! However I am working to remedy that problem. Today I took the first steps. I went to my friend Libby's house and she showed me a couple of things and tomorrow I get to meet her instructor. I hope to line him up for some lessons.
I need this right now. Even though I continue to giggle, I feel like it is hollow. I never intended to write so much about my job woes, but here I am again. Our board met last week and on Monday seven of my coworkers were let go. I also found out that the hiring freeze is still in effect and our CEO is not inclined to look for grants that would continue to fund me and my cohort. So, in three months I am out on my substantial arse. I knew it was most likely going to happen, yet that did not make it any easier. I have been twisting in the wind for seven months knowing that my funding was ending, yet still under the illusion that a position might open up or that we might get new grant funding. I now know that was a false hope and that I need to awake to reality.
How did I deal with this? Well, I got good and drunk on Monday while cleaning my office. It was a pity party for one that let me get out all of my emotions, while at the same time I attempted to define a space for me to hunker down in and find a new job. Drinking and cleaning do not mix, but it served its purpose. I have not purged all the demons, but I am now more focused and have a plan of action for the coming weeks. In the meantime, I hope to amuse myself and dervert my anxiety by learning to play guitar. Music may not always be a substitute for tears as Paul Simon so eloquently sang, but it can sometime soothe the savage beast, or in this case, soothe the anxious and aching heart.
I need this right now. Even though I continue to giggle, I feel like it is hollow. I never intended to write so much about my job woes, but here I am again. Our board met last week and on Monday seven of my coworkers were let go. I also found out that the hiring freeze is still in effect and our CEO is not inclined to look for grants that would continue to fund me and my cohort. So, in three months I am out on my substantial arse. I knew it was most likely going to happen, yet that did not make it any easier. I have been twisting in the wind for seven months knowing that my funding was ending, yet still under the illusion that a position might open up or that we might get new grant funding. I now know that was a false hope and that I need to awake to reality.
How did I deal with this? Well, I got good and drunk on Monday while cleaning my office. It was a pity party for one that let me get out all of my emotions, while at the same time I attempted to define a space for me to hunker down in and find a new job. Drinking and cleaning do not mix, but it served its purpose. I have not purged all the demons, but I am now more focused and have a plan of action for the coming weeks. In the meantime, I hope to amuse myself and dervert my anxiety by learning to play guitar. Music may not always be a substitute for tears as Paul Simon so eloquently sang, but it can sometime soothe the savage beast, or in this case, soothe the anxious and aching heart.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
How ironic...
I just read my last post, which was almost a month ago and I am still working on the same collection! So much for being close to done. Although this time we actually are really close...I hope.
Still no job news. I am counting down the days till the board meeting in hope that something good will happen there and the hiring freeze will be lifted. In the meantime. I have applied for one job and I am looking at a couple of others to apply for this week. None of them are ideal, but beggars cannot be choosers.
On a brighter note, I was able to eat lettuce out of my garden today. That was really great.
Still no job news. I am counting down the days till the board meeting in hope that something good will happen there and the hiring freeze will be lifted. In the meantime. I have applied for one job and I am looking at a couple of others to apply for this week. None of them are ideal, but beggars cannot be choosers.
On a brighter note, I was able to eat lettuce out of my garden today. That was really great.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Why so cranky?
So today I was doing ok, until we had our facilitator meeting today at work. For some reason I chose that moment to recall that I only have about four months to find a new job. It is ever present in my mind, but I still continue along at work as if I will be there forever. I had not really thought about how little time I have left. I need to get my arse in gear!
Of course if I want my job to feel like it will last forever I should work on the most boring and huge collection possible...oh, wait I am! We are closing in on having it done, but my god it has been taking forever.
Between working on this collection and worrying about my job prospects I suppose it is natural to be a wee bit cranky. I'll live though.
Of course if I want my job to feel like it will last forever I should work on the most boring and huge collection possible...oh, wait I am! We are closing in on having it done, but my god it has been taking forever.
Between working on this collection and worrying about my job prospects I suppose it is natural to be a wee bit cranky. I'll live though.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Prayer works for everything?
Today a coworker expressed her dismay at my current job situation. It was really nice of her especially since I respect her so much. We chatted for a bit and I told her that all hope was not lost as we might yet find the money to keep myself and my partner in crime afloat. Her response was not what I expected. She said she would pray for it and for me to do the same, because "prayer works." My automatic response was, "oh yes it sure does," even while I was saying in my head, "does it really?"
I thought of the movie 'Saved,' when Mandy Moore's character finds out that her favorite Christian Rock band can play the prom. She excitedly punches the air and screams, "I told you prayer works for everything!" Given my current apathetic state, I feel very conflicted about it. On the one hand, I do pray and pray fervently. Lately I have been praying for the infant daughter of a friend. I send in prayer request to my church and yet I still have doubt. Why is that? I wish I felt more confident. In fact, I feel guilty when I pray because I am only half-heartedly doing it. I know that part of me thinks that it is a sham and why do it. Then there is another part of me telling the former part to shut up and say a quick prayer of forgiveness for my lack of belief. Wow, can you say conflicted!
I am stressed about my job outlook, but this is not the first time I've been in this position. Ok, well maybe not this exact position, but I've had to search before. It is always a time filled with anxiety, but everything always seems to work out. I always seem to find a job, find enough money, find a solution to every problem that confronts me. Is that just luck, or is someone or something guiding me and answering those prayers that my conscious self does not even acknowledge?
I don't know the answers and I suppose my back and forth struggle is part of my journey. No matter what, I will continue to pray for that baby girl and the earthquake victims in Haiti and anyone else who needs it. Maybe it is the positive vibe going out to the universe that make things seem better, or maybe there really is a God sitting on high answering the prayers of the faithful. I don't know, but it never hurts to hope. And if things turn out ok, then prayer really does work.
So tonight I pray...God please be with Emma and her family. Heal her, hold her, and comfort her. Give her family strength to deal with everything that comes their way. Love them as only you can. I also pray for the victims of the recent earthquake in Haiti. Help those who are working to rescue those in dire circumstances and help heal the wounded and comfort those who have lost their loved ones, their homes, and possessions. Help those of us not affected to be mindful of them and offer our support by whatever means we possess. God forgive me for being an unbelieving hypocrite.
I thought of the movie 'Saved,' when Mandy Moore's character finds out that her favorite Christian Rock band can play the prom. She excitedly punches the air and screams, "I told you prayer works for everything!" Given my current apathetic state, I feel very conflicted about it. On the one hand, I do pray and pray fervently. Lately I have been praying for the infant daughter of a friend. I send in prayer request to my church and yet I still have doubt. Why is that? I wish I felt more confident. In fact, I feel guilty when I pray because I am only half-heartedly doing it. I know that part of me thinks that it is a sham and why do it. Then there is another part of me telling the former part to shut up and say a quick prayer of forgiveness for my lack of belief. Wow, can you say conflicted!
I am stressed about my job outlook, but this is not the first time I've been in this position. Ok, well maybe not this exact position, but I've had to search before. It is always a time filled with anxiety, but everything always seems to work out. I always seem to find a job, find enough money, find a solution to every problem that confronts me. Is that just luck, or is someone or something guiding me and answering those prayers that my conscious self does not even acknowledge?
I don't know the answers and I suppose my back and forth struggle is part of my journey. No matter what, I will continue to pray for that baby girl and the earthquake victims in Haiti and anyone else who needs it. Maybe it is the positive vibe going out to the universe that make things seem better, or maybe there really is a God sitting on high answering the prayers of the faithful. I don't know, but it never hurts to hope. And if things turn out ok, then prayer really does work.
So tonight I pray...God please be with Emma and her family. Heal her, hold her, and comfort her. Give her family strength to deal with everything that comes their way. Love them as only you can. I also pray for the victims of the recent earthquake in Haiti. Help those who are working to rescue those in dire circumstances and help heal the wounded and comfort those who have lost their loved ones, their homes, and possessions. Help those of us not affected to be mindful of them and offer our support by whatever means we possess. God forgive me for being an unbelieving hypocrite.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)