Good Friday Earth Day

As is bound to happen sometimes, Easter holy days and Earth Day fall at the same time on the calendar. Today is both Good Friday and Earth Day. I find it very fitting since these evoke feelings in me about two ideas I care very much about, but that I struggle with. I care very deeply about the environment and taking care of it. Threaded throughout this desire is the idea that this lovely world was created and given to us by God. We are suppose to care for it as God does, not destroy it. God created it so therefore it must be good.

The conflict for me comes from my inability to be as "green" as I should be and also my conflicting feelings about religion. I go from atheist to true believer and then somewhere in between constantly. I think it is good to question your beliefs and analyze why you feel the way you do. I think there is a God or some divine being, otherwise I cannot fathom how this world got here. The rational part of my brain says there has to be a reasonable explanation, whether I know it or not, that does not include any divine intervention. Yet there is something that tugs at me saying there has to be something else, a guiding force. I find no problem in following the teachings of Jesus whether you believe in him or not since I feel if everyone lived the way he did, the world would be a much better place. A philosophy of love and compassion can never be a bad thing.

This is why I tie my love of the earth to a sense of religious obligation to protect and care for it. Whether I am right or wrong on the whole religion thing I suppose I will find out when I die. In the meantime I see nothing wrong with living in harmony with our planet and trying to protect it. If there is a God who created this magnificent world then I would think God would want us to take care of it and not abuse it  and by extension to take care of and not abuse our fellow humans. After all we are a part of this creation too, we are tied to it and cannot live without it. The Earth however can survive very well without us, she has in the past and will most likely survive and thrive without us in the future.

So on this Good Friday and Earth Day, I will reexamine my commitment to green living and contemplate the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross. I think he died to redeem all of creation and we should honor that by living the best life we can.

Bird's the word

I saw an interesting sight on my way to work this morning. As I was stuck in slow traffic moving up the hill toward Broad Street I saw a huge bird sweep low and then land on top of a traffic sign. It was a hawk. He was large and handsome. I thought it was a treat to see such a bird up close. He was perched very nonchalantly scouting the ground below. Suddenly another bird came swooping out of a nearby tree right at the hawk. It was a much smaller bird. It flitted around the hawk and then back to the tree and then repeated the maneuver.

At first I thought it was a blue jay since they can be quite territorial and I thought it would be up to the task of taking on a hawk. As I inched up the hill I could see it was not a blue jay. I took note of its markings. When I got to work I checked and I believe it was a Northern Mockingbird. Apparently this bird will take on a bird that is encroaching in its territory. Even though it was not a laughing matter for the birds, it made me laugh to see this bird take on the much more fearsome hawk. It is one of the few times I wish I had been stuck in traffic longer.

Auld Lang Syne

It has been a bit of a rough year, but it could have been worse. In the end I am thankful for my family and friends who have held me through the worst of it. My hubby has been amazing and more than I could ever ask for. I finally found a job in November working as an archivist. It is only for a year, but I feel very fortunate to have the chance to work for the institution that I am and that I found employment at all. I also started back to school (again), but I am really excited. I am working toward my Information Science degree (read Library Science). I think it will be most useful for me.

I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, and people who care about me. I could not ask for more. Thank you Lord for the blessings in my life. Another year has passed and I am still alive and thriving. I could not ask for more...well maybe world peace and an end to hunger and disease, but I suppose I should not be greedy ;-)

A new year is always an exciting proposition. Anything can happen, but it all begins with me. I hope this is the year that I can make a difference. No it is not all about me, but I hope that I can help someone else even in the smallest way. Then I will know that I have not lived in vain...even if all I do is make someone giggle and forget their troubles for an instant. It will have been worth it all. Happy new year!

St. Nick and bear traps

I have not been in the decorating mood for the past 3 Christmases. My sole decoration this year was to buy a Febreze luminary that has snowman on it. However I enjoy reminiscing about decorating when I was a kid. We always put the Christmas tree up on Thanksgiving day. We did this partly because my mom loved Christmas and liked to have the tree up early and also because she was home from work long enough to do it. My best memories though are of when I was young enough to still believe in the magic of Santa.

I realize now as an adult that my family had some quirky traits (as I am sure all families do), but it did not seem strange at all then. We always opened our presents on Christmas Eve. Since Santa had so many children to visit he came to see us early. My mom usually had to work on Christmas Eve, but the store closed early and she was home by about 7:00. While we were waiting for my mom to get home, my dad would pile my brothers and me in his truck to go visit Sam and Mary. They were very good friends of my dad and I always thought of them as my adopted grandparents. We would visit with them and give them a gift. I would bounce around their living room peering out the window for Old Saint Nick. Sam and Mary would usually say they had heard on the news that he had been spotted around Roanoke. I loved seeing them, but it always felt like we were there forever. Finally daddy would say it was time to go home.

On the way home he would take the long way around the river and I thought I would die before we got home. Once we arrived though my brothers and I would find presents under the tree from Santa. He had come while we were gone! Mom always had a great story to tell about his visit.

Now I should mention that in the days leading up to Christmas that my dad would tease me as was his way. He would tell me that he was going to let all the dogs loose to keep Santa from getting to our house. We had plot hounds who were wonderful animals, but also were bred to hunt. I was terrified that the dogs would attack the reindeer. Daddy would also hint that he was putting out some bear traps on the roof to catch Rudolph. I would beg him not to scare off Santa or to trap the deer. I made sure to put out treats for the reindeer along with the cookies so that Santa and the reindeer would have some incentive to dodge my dad's traps.

While we looked in awe at our gifts, my mom would tell us that when she got home that she needed to take a quick shower. When she was in the shower she heard the dogs going nuts, barking and howling outside. She'd jump out of the shower, throw on a robe, and dash outside to find Rambler (one of our most fearsome dogs) tugging on Santa's pant leg trying to stop him from getting in the house. Santa was prepared though and would throw out a huge bone to distract the dog. Then quick as wink he would wish my mom Merry Christmas and leave our gifts for us. He would stay long enough for a cookie and to take the celery and carrots to the reindeer. Santa, who had managed to dodge all my dad's obstacles, would get back in his sleigh and the reindeer would take off with the dogs nipping at their heels. Every year during my "Santa years," we would have some variation on this story and every year I believed it!

I, of course, would turn to my dad all smug and tell him that nothing he could do could keep Santa from coming. Dad would grumble and say he'd get him next year. We would then eat shrimp, open presents, and have a wonderful time. Of course my brother were older than me and were past believing in Santa, but they kept up the charade for my benefit and I suspect they enjoyed it as much as anyone.

Those years of belief were short and before long I outgrew Santa. The season was still wonderful and special, but it lost a bit of its magic. I miss the stories my parents concocted to explain Santa's visit. I'm sure some people would be shocked at my dad's way of "teasing," but that was the way he was. He did not show a lot of emotion, but I think he loved Christmas as much as any of us and I'll never forget how he tried to "catch" Santa.

9:30 in the a.m.

I am actually up, thought not necessarily awake, at 9:30 on a Tuesday. Why is this so strange? Well, I have been out of work for nearly two months now and I have become something of a night owl. I much prefer being up at night even though I have "sleep issues." I have been looking for a new job and keeping busy with graduate school and other odds and ends. I hope that very soon I will have a new job. I have my phone glued to me this week in hopes that I will receive some good news. In the meantime, I think I might go read...in bed. It is very dreary outside and even though I did make the effort to get up, I still am sleepy. I should exercise, but I am not quite up for it just yet. Maybe in a couple of hours...

RIP Tess

Tess (aka Tessie, Tess-Tess, Tesser, Mrs. Tesserson, Mrs. T., Birdie, Bitchly, Queenie, Mrs. Tessie the Christmas Poodle, etc.) departed from this life today. She died in the arms of Mimi Carolyn who was so graciously taking care of her while Tyler and went out of town. We are so very glad that she was able to spend her final days with Carolyn and Ralph who loved her as much as we did. Tess was such a peculiar dog and did not take to people right away. She was abused early in her life so that probably had a lot to do with it. However, once she took to you she loved you. She loved to curl up in your lap and snuggle, always ran to the pantry when it opened expecting a treat, and drove us crazy splashing in her water dish. She was a sweet little dog and I will miss her terribly.

While my guitar gently weeps...

My wonderful husband bought me an acoustic Yamaha FG700S for Christmas. It is so lovely, the flattop is a marvelous mellow yellow with beautiful curving side, and great action for someone with tiny hands. Can I play it...absolutely not! However I am working to remedy that problem. Today I took the first steps. I went to my friend Libby's house and she showed me a couple of things and tomorrow I get to meet her instructor. I hope to line him up for some lessons.

I need this right now. Even though I continue to giggle, I feel like it is hollow. I never intended to write so much about my job woes, but here I am again. Our board met last week and on Monday seven of my coworkers were let go. I also found out that the hiring freeze is still in effect and our CEO is not inclined to look for grants that would continue to fund me and my cohort. So, in three months I am out on my substantial arse. I knew it was most likely going to happen, yet that did not make it any easier. I have been twisting in the wind for seven months knowing that my funding was ending, yet still under the illusion that a position might open up or that we might get new grant funding. I now know that was a false hope and that I need to awake to reality.

How did I deal with this? Well, I got good and drunk on Monday while cleaning my office. It was a pity party for one that let me get out all of my emotions, while at the same time I attempted to define a space for me to hunker down in and find a new job. Drinking and cleaning do not mix, but it served its purpose. I have not purged all the demons, but I am now more focused and have a plan of action for the coming weeks. In the meantime, I hope to amuse myself and dervert my anxiety by learning to play guitar. Music may not always be a substitute for tears as Paul Simon so eloquently sang, but it can sometime soothe the savage beast, or in this case, soothe the anxious and aching heart.