Monkey

Well, it seems I am writing in my blog the same as with previous paper journals...barely at all. It is funny though because I tend to write entries in my head, but never make it to the computer to put it all down. A great deal has happened in the past month or so. I am still unsure about my job situation, but I am still hopeful that we will find some money. In the meantime I am going to keep my eyes open for a new position.

We had about a foot of snow which is rare not only because I am in Richmond, but because it happened in December. Christmas has come and gone and I had a wonderful visit with both my hubby's family and my own, albeit a short visit. My wonderful husband also bought me an acoustic guitar, something I have wanted for a long time.

On a sad note and actually the reason for this entry, my uncle passed away. It was quite sudden and I feel just awful for my family. Even worse was the realization that I have not seen that side of the family since my father passed away nine years ago. I was shocked to realize that so much time has slipped away. We never seem to see each other unless someone get married or dies. I have recently reconnected with a few cousins via Facebook, but that is no substitute for real face-to-face interaction.

I could not go to the funeral because I needed to work and it was on December 23rd, so there was really no one to take my place. The occasion was even more sad because my uncle was to be buried on the anniversary of his father, my grandfather's, death in 1985. I decided that I needed to go pay my respects though and give my aunt a hug. So I went to the visitation the night before. I expected it to be a bit awkward as I had not seen anyone since my dad's funeral. Instead I was true to my Mad Giggler ways. I went right in and hugged and talked and laughed with my family. I always find it so odd, the custom of sitting in a room with the deceased and yet being able to laugh. The best moment was seeing my other uncle and having him hug me and call me "monkey." It is a nickname he gave me when I was small and I had not thought of in years. It made me feel warm and I relaxed all over. These people are my kin and no matter what we will always have that special bond that time cannot diminish. In the midst of our grief we were able to reconnect, reminisce, and laugh. I know my aunt and my cousins were and are hurting, and I hope that no one interpreted our family reunion as disrespectful. I did get my wish of hugging my aunt and telling her how sorry I was and that I loved her. Sadly I know what this loss feels like for my cousins, but that does not make it any easier to see them have to go through it.

If anything good could come of this loss it is that I once again have been reminded how important family is. We have resolved to have a reunion this summer and I will do all I can to make sure it happens. I also like to imagine that my uncle was greeted by my dad and my grandparents and that they are now content and happy and will one day greet the rest of us. In the meantime, i hope they will gather above to watch those of us here come together to remember and to make new memories.

Not much laughter at the moment...

I feel like throwing a tantrum right now. I want to lay in the floor and wail and scream and kick my feet. However, since I am no longer 5 years old, I cannot afford such extravagance of emotion. I have not felt much like my normal, giggly self lately. I found out last week that my job is in danger. This does not make me very different than the millions of other people in the country right now that do not have a job. I really like what I do, and it is the first time that I don't want to leave my job. It feels more like a career than just something to get up and go to every day. I don't get paid very much, but I enjoy it.

Now I knew that my grant would run out next year, but I was very confident that we would get another one and I could continue on. Then the bottom feel out of the economy and everyone is scrambling to get money from an even smaller pot. I am grateful that I have 7 months left to find a job, but it makes it hard too. When should I start looking? Should I hold out hope that money will be found and I can stay? It stinks too that my coworker is also in the same position. Of the two of us, I am in a better position. I can get on my husband's insurance and while money will be tight, we can make it since his salary is larger than mine. My coworker does not have this luxury. That makes it all the more imperative that we get more grant money or that he be able to find a new position quickly.

Having this weight pressing down on me is difficult. It is not the first time that I have felt the pressure to find a job, but in the past I have always found something. I have never been turned out of a position before. This weight in my chest feels heavier than before. I thought I had recovered from the initial shock of this, but today I feel it again, worse than before. My temper is short, I am easily irritated by things that I usually just endure or think nothing of. I also have the feeling that while my closest coworkers are truly upset and worried, the larger portion in other parts of the organization are not. It is too abstract...oh, well they still have their job and that is just too bad for her. I have had a feeling that my place is not too well respected within the ranks. I often joke that we are the stepchildren and more recently have ranted about such slights more openly. I have wanted to change the perception and let everyone know that we are valuable, necessary, and vital...as much so as everyone else. I don't think this is to be though and I fear that the urge to help find the money that would allow two of our ranks to continue to work in this wonderful place will not materialize and that we will instead fall away. I hope I am wrong on this point.

This is how I feel today...I hope tomorrow I feel differently. I usually do after some reflection. I am hoping this small and petty whining to the ether of my problems will help me to put it in perspective and just get over it!

Warren Harding Error

Today is election day in Virginia. In honor of election day I put on my Warren G. Harding campaign button. I found it many years ago in my grandmother's button jar. I like to make up stories about the history this button has seen. The 1920 election was the first national election in which women could vote. Sometimes I imagine my great grandmother wore this button the first time she voted. It is a reminder to me that even though we live in a great country, we still have a long way to go. Women have only been allowed to vote for the last 90 years. Cars have been around longer than women have had the right to vote! Every time I take out this button it reminds me of my duty as a citizen and how I should never, ever take this right for granted. It is a real shame that so many of us do, especially when so many people have fought so hard to have this right.

The button also has a second meaning. It is a reminder to vote, but to also be a well informed voter. Warren G. Harding is arguable one of the worst presidents we ever had. Historians have joked that he won because he was so handsome and all the women used their newly won voting rights to choose him. This might not be too far off the mark based on Malcolm Gladwell's theory in Blink. He calls it the "Warren Harding Error." Women would not have been the only people susceptible to this. Warren to many people looked like a president. He was tall and good looking. Never mind that he was hardly qualified. People are drawn to tall individuals who look the part. I will not go into specifics; read Blink for an in depth explanation.

Richard Nixon also suffered from this idea of "looking presidential," in his fateful 1960 debate with Kennedy. This was the first televised presidential debate and Nixon, who did not wear makeup, looked sickly and tired. Kennedy, on the other hand, looked tanned, fit, and rested. People made assumptions then and there.

Now I am not saying that everyone picks candidates based on the superficial, but we should do our research on our candidates. Know why you are voting for someone. Do not vote just because they "look like a governor," or because they are a Republican or Democrat. Know their positions on issues, know their qualifications and skills, and know that they are going to serve the people, not their own interest. Your vote is much too valuable to simply cast without some careful thought.

If you have not voted today, please do so. We are so fortunate to live in a country where we can. The United States may not be perfect, but it will never improve if the people do not make their voices heard.

Love me some bluegrass!

Tonight I was very fortunate to work an event at the Virginia Historical Society. It was a concert featuring Wayne Henderson, Helen White, and the Dixie Bee-Liners. I have hear Wayne and Helen before and this was my first time hearing DBL, none of them disappointed.

I learned about Henderson a while back when my husband got the book "Clapton's Guitar," which chronicles Henderson's building a guitar and a whole lot more. The book has been on my reading list for awhile and when I learned he would be coming, I started reading it. I was familiar with his picking style from some cds my husband got. I must admit, I had seen Wayne and Helen before, but I did not remember it until a friend reminded me. As it turns out, they played at her wedding, but I had completely forgotten. In my defense thought, I was not familiar with him then.

I could not wait to meet him tonight, eager to see if he was as genuine and friendly as the author made him seem. He was more so. When I was introduced to him, he actually tipped his hat (a Red Sox baseball cap) to me. It has been a long time since someone has shown me that courtesy. Listening to him talk and his his easy country manner made me almost as homesick as seeing the mountains.

He and Helen put on a great show. Their banter on stage was fun and relaxed and made the audience feel like they were sharing an evening with old friends. Their playing was excellent and Helen has a lovely clear voice. When she played "Jenny's Wedding Waltz," I actually got teary. It was beautiful and for some reason made me think of my dad, and home and I guess I just miss them both.

I talked to them both after their set and they were so friendly. Wayne graciously signed my book and also a flyer that will be donated to the VHS. Helen was generous in adding her signature as well. At the end of the night, I got my picture taken with both of them and I was just a crazy star-struck fan. He chuckled when I gushed, "I cannot believe I am here with the famous Wayne Henderson." I may have even embarrassed him with my awe. As usual I talked way to much and giggled the entire time!

The Dixie Bee-Liners were...well, they kicked ass! All the members were excellent musicians, even the 15 year old on the banjo. She apparently only got to rehearse with them today and played this evening's show. Color me impressed! The ladies had great soaring voices that twined together to form a beautiful harmony. The men blended in to make an even more complex sound. Their lyrics fit right in with those of traditional bluegrass, but with some modern sass. I laughed out loud a few times at their tongue-in-cheek lines. They too were just as warm and personable after the show. I hope they will be around for a long time to come and look forward to getting their latest cd.

It was a wonderful night and I hope to see them all again. Best of all it was at the VHS and I was so glad that we were able to host such an awesome event. We had a great crowd and everyone I talked to very happy with the evening.

Oh so tired...

I am sick and tired of being tired! I am also tired of complaining about being tired, as I am quite sure all of my friends and family are. Every time I think I have this thing figured out, the sleep demon rears its ugly head and robs me of my energy. I thought my meds would help with the idiopathic hypersomnia, but lately I feel just as drained and sleepy as if I had not taken them. Maybe my mom is right...maybe it is my thyroid. I found a medical journal article online that talks about subclinical hypothyroidism. A person's thyroid could test within the appropriate range, but could still need to have it tweaked. I've had it tested several times, but maybe I'll try it again. In the meantime I need to find a better way to stay awake at work besides blogging and chanting stayawakestayawakestayawake!

Aside from that it has been a good month. Went to Las Vegas and had a blast even if I came back with less money than I went with. The coming month looks to be hectic, but I am so looking forward to fall. I love the cool (not cold) crisp days, changing leaves, and less daylight. I know, I'm weird that way. I do love the sunshine, but I like twilight/evening/night much better!

What do you wear to a bloody nuptial? #TBC

Hmm...what to wear for the god who comes/Maryanne wedding? Got the dress, a Madame Grès Evening gown, tres Maryanne. Thrysis...check! Now wear my hair up and tousled or the elegant meat? Pretty exotic flower bouquet or bacon flowers bouquet? Stappy goddess shoes, or the fertility god heels? What is a girl to do?

True Blood Challenge...what to wear to a bloody nuptial by TheMadGiggler featuring Dior shoes

End of an era

Ted Kennedy died today. He was 77 years old. He certainly had a full and eventful life, but I am so sad to see him pass. I wanted him to see Health Care reform become a reality. He had his faults like every person, but he was so dedicated to having health care for everyone. I don't know the answer to fixing the system, but surely some action is better than no action. I had hoped Kennedy would be a rallying point for this reform. Who knows though, perhaps in death he can become a rallying point still. Let's fix the system for Teddy so that he can truly rest in peace.

Best broken birthday gift ever!

I came up with a great birthday gift this year for the husband. He began home brewing this year and is really into it and is also very good at it. I was thinking of what kind of gift I could get him and decided that something to go with his new hobby would be perfect. What better way for him to share the fruits of his labor than with his own personalized growler! I was so pleased at my own cleverness and knew he would love it. I put in the order and eagerly awaited its arrival. When I got home from a friend's baby shower today (which was lovely), I saw it on the table. I ran out to the sun room to get him to open it. The package was clearly marked, "Fragile, Glass." He slit open the tape, and found mounds of Styrofoam peanuts. He plunged his hand in and pulled out...the broken neck of the bottle! Somehow even with all the packing material and the big labels, the USPS managed to break it!!! I was devastated, but he loved it anyway. He thought it was the best gift and said if all else fails he will glue it and display it proudly. I really hope the company I ordered it from will replace it though. I suppose all I can do is laugh...

Kill Grandma?

Ok, I understand that people are very conflicted about health care reform, but surely one thing we can agree on is that something must be done. Another thing we should all agree on is that this "Obama wants to kill grandma" argument is just ridiculous! Paying for a councilor for end-of-life issues, and pulling the plug are two entirely different things. Everyone in the country should have a plan for what their wishes are should they find themselves with a terminal disease, or in an accident that leaves them in a coma, etc. All the plan says is that a person is eligible to have counseling from someone about how to arrange a living will, medical power of attorney, etc., and have medicare pay for that service. It is completely voluntary for goodness sake.

I for one am very pleased with the strides in medical science that allow us to live longer, more productive lives. BUT, there comes a point when I want quality vs. quantity of life. I want to be able to say, no do not resuscitate in certain situations, no I do not want anymore treatment for my cancer because I am going to die no matter what, etc. We should discuss these things when we are not in the midst of a crisis and it would be great to have a neutral, 3rd party involved if it is an emotional situation and you want to see what all your options are.

No one is going to pull the plug on grandma or pawpaw just because they are ill and the government wants to save money. It does not and will not work that way. If someone wants to fight to the bitter end, great! If someone decides to stop treatment, that is their decision and no one else's.

I think most Republicans are sensible people and do not believe this nonsense being spouted by the Rush Limbaugh's and Glenn Becks of the world, but that noisy minority it getting to be most irritating. Instead of yelling people down, and making absurd remarks, how about reasoned, rational, calm discussion of the pros and cons and let us hammer out a compromise that we can all live with. Health care should not be a privilege, it should be mandatory for all of us.

End rant

Cantaloupe

It is amazing how things can trigger so many memories. I had a whole flood come back to me recently while eating cantaloupe. Strange, huh. I had a really tasty one that was icy cold from the fridge. While I ate it, I remembered a trip to Florida with my grandparents and my brothers. I was probably no more than 7 years old and was just fascinated with everything. We were going to Disney World and stayed in Kissimmee, Fl. I cannot remember the name of the hotel, but they had a huge breakfast buffet. This was of great importance to my grandfather, a great lover of food, and my two brothers, who I think at that age had hollow legs. Nothing else could explain the amount that they ate! I did not really care too much about it except for the fruit, especially the cantaloupe. After our first day I think the staff took the hint. The next morning and every morning thereafter as soon as they saw us coming, they refilled everything to the brim and brought our fresh, sweet, cold cantaloupe.

Funny, I don't really remember much else from that trip or even Disney word, but I will always remember eating cantaloupe.